I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
