I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
