I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
