well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
