if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
