Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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