Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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