You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
