Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
