too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
