I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
