this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
