My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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