your parents love me but you hate me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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