she sounds like chewbacca in bed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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