My sheets look like a crime scene.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
