I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
