Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
