I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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