the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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