I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
