I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
