And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
