He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
