smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
