Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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