so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
