when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
