i need an iv and a liver transplant
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
