i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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