Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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