he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
