i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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