No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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