She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
