She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
