Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
