I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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