i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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