My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize