all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
