PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
