I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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