Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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