I feel like abortions should bother me more
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
