Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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