He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
