forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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