I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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