so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
