Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
