1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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