I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have fence marks all over my body
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
