she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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