All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
