Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
ttyl tear gas
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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