Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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