I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
