dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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