well you can't waste a boner
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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