so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
