Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
