Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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