Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
