My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
