That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
