It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
