i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
