just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
