He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
