i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
