Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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