dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
