I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
